Today I am going to quote a piece of prose written by my husband in 2009, in the thick of the cancer journey. It offers sage advice that I want to pass along from someone living with cancer to most anyone who has no idea how to handle a person with this or any serious diagnosis.
What I Need
Be Available.
Don't disappear.
Don't ask me how things are.
Just ask what is going on.
Don't say "If there is anything
you need, let me know."
because if you don't
have a cure, I don't think
you'll be able to deliver.
Paul Hakan
I want to say treat the person as a person not as a disease. They have not changed but thier situation has. They are still your brother, sister, friend, etc. and they still want to laugh, watch silly movies, gossip, play music, enjoy a meal, hang out just like before. A few considerations might have to be made now but just be with them.
On a different note from me...It has been a 27 months since Paul left this physical world and it has been a journey to test every atom that makes me. I have been broken, ripped apart, lost, grief stricken, strong, courageous beyond my own understanding, renewed, grateful, and, yes, happy again.
I want to quote one of my pieces of prose from 2009, in the thick of the cancer journey, that rings so true for my journey since July 2010, when Paul passed, to present. Please share with anyone you know that has lost a spouse.
My Imagination Does Not Sleep
My imagination does not sleep.
I dream of the future, inserting
talked-about plans and new beginnings.
The past does not live in this place.
The sun rises here and only sets
over an ocean of deep blue,
its waves crashing, singing to me.
I can feel it in my soul
and picture it in my mind.
Tomorrow, next week, next year
is beautiful and happy.
I am the change that I want to see in our world.
I have painted us a masterpiece.
Keri Hakan
The past does not live in my new life but it damn sure influences it. New beginnings have been scary, exciting and sparked my imagination for the dreams of my future along with the influence of my past experiences. Those experiences made me who I am. I did paint Paul and I a masterpiece and now it is mine, I own it in his honor. Living my life "as if" everyday like I mean it honors us both.
These pieces of prose are published in an anthology of poetry of prose titled My Tree Called Life Writing & Living Through Serious Illness available through Turning Point in Kansas City. www.turningpointkc.org
Monday, October 8, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Autumn fun food
I have a yummy Autumn recipe. Cinnamon and gingered sweet potatoes with apples and kale.
I played with a recipe from Rebecca Katz and her book The Cancer Fighting Kitchen and ended up with this easy gem. I am really bad at keeping measurements and so I am guessing on them for the purpose of giving you the recipe. Basically, I like to do things to taste if it seems safe and that is what I did with this recipe.
3 cups chopped sweet potatoes
1 chopped apple (a nice, crisp one)
1 tbs. fresh grated ginger
2 tbs. coconut oil
4 dinosaur kale leaves
ground cinnamon and nutmeg to taste
shaved walnuts
1 cup water
maple syrup
sea salt
1/2 cup raisins
Chop the sweet potatoes and apple into small pieces kind of like matchstick size. Use a micro plane to grate the ginger root. I usually do not waste the kale stems but in this dish I feel that just having the leaves is better texture wise. Tear or cut the kale leaves to bite size. Heat the coconut oil and add the ginger until it gets fragrant. This should not take long. Add in the sweet potatoes, saute for a few minutes and add in the apple and kale leaves. Sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg . Stir and add half of the water. Saute for a few minutes then taste to see if the potatoes are getting tender. Add more water as needed. Once they are pretty tender stir in the maple syrup to taste and raisins. Add 2 or so pinches of sea salt. When the potatoes are cooked through remove from heat and use a micro plane to shave 5 to 10 walnuts and sprinkle them on top. That is it. Simple and good! Remember when cooking to taste you start adding in small amounts, you can always add but you can't subtract from a dish.
I played with a recipe from Rebecca Katz and her book The Cancer Fighting Kitchen and ended up with this easy gem. I am really bad at keeping measurements and so I am guessing on them for the purpose of giving you the recipe. Basically, I like to do things to taste if it seems safe and that is what I did with this recipe.
3 cups chopped sweet potatoes
1 chopped apple (a nice, crisp one)
1 tbs. fresh grated ginger
2 tbs. coconut oil
4 dinosaur kale leaves
ground cinnamon and nutmeg to taste
shaved walnuts
1 cup water
maple syrup
sea salt
1/2 cup raisins
Chop the sweet potatoes and apple into small pieces kind of like matchstick size. Use a micro plane to grate the ginger root. I usually do not waste the kale stems but in this dish I feel that just having the leaves is better texture wise. Tear or cut the kale leaves to bite size. Heat the coconut oil and add the ginger until it gets fragrant. This should not take long. Add in the sweet potatoes, saute for a few minutes and add in the apple and kale leaves. Sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg . Stir and add half of the water. Saute for a few minutes then taste to see if the potatoes are getting tender. Add more water as needed. Once they are pretty tender stir in the maple syrup to taste and raisins. Add 2 or so pinches of sea salt. When the potatoes are cooked through remove from heat and use a micro plane to shave 5 to 10 walnuts and sprinkle them on top. That is it. Simple and good! Remember when cooking to taste you start adding in small amounts, you can always add but you can't subtract from a dish.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Mind and Heart Are One
There are days that it feels right to just throw in the towel. By this I mean times that feeling overwhelmed, stress, fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, self doubt, etc. seem to be all that is real in our reality. This is ok! Yes, I said it. It is ok as long as we develop the capacity to not be pulled away by our suffering but rather to acknowledge it and take care of it. Pushing it away or ignoring it will not help. It will come back stronger and with a fierce bite. We need to show it, ourselves, some love instead. One way to do this is to trust in our own experience and become intimate with our suffering. The key is to not drown in it. Visit it for a bit and just be with it. You have everything innate to be happy and so you have the capability to resolve and heal your suffering.
It happens to all of us. Even those of us who consistently wear rose colored glasses, identintify with the lyrics "you may say I'm a dreamer" and look for diamonds in the coal. This past Monday I had one of these days and I just went with it. This meant I cried for hours, literally. That felt really good, honestly. I went to my Sangha and felt instant renewal. A fellow Sangha member needed some deep listening and I was able to provide that with a few words of encouragement. During Dharma talk I shared my state and afterwards this person thanked me for giving him peace and ease even through my own pain. That was really powerful. His statement made a profound imprint on me. The following evening I attended a Dharma talk given by 2 nuns and 2 monks from Deer Park Zen Buddhist Monastery in California and it was so amazing. They addressed this very topic from the Zen Buddhist point of view which is what I am sharing in this blog. That talk made me feel so grounded and powerful in my life. One of the biggest points to me in our practice is that we need not seek from outside when everything we need is within us and recognizing that allows us to connect and inter- be with others and everything in our world like nothing else possibly could. So as we help ourselves become a little more transparent we can help others do the same. It starts with us and it ends with us. We need to open our hearts to ourselves and to what others have to offer. In so doing I believe that we can transform our suffering. It sounds simple and in theory it is but in this reality it is not necessarily so because we are not used to being open and real with ourselves or others. This world tells us to put on an act and don't show "weakness", vulnerabilities, happiness but just be "normal". Normal isn't real or fun. Let that "freak" flag fly. I am not telling you to do stuff that will cause harm or trouble but rather to simply be as you are. Try it on for size. If you need to cry for hours, run around the block a few times or as my friend Linda likes to do dance naked around the cherry tree in her yard. DO IT! Linda's type of taking care might get you in some hot water but I admit I tried it in my backyard after my husband died. It felt good. It was also about 10:30pm.
Give yourself, all of yourself, some real attention!
It happens to all of us. Even those of us who consistently wear rose colored glasses, identintify with the lyrics "you may say I'm a dreamer" and look for diamonds in the coal. This past Monday I had one of these days and I just went with it. This meant I cried for hours, literally. That felt really good, honestly. I went to my Sangha and felt instant renewal. A fellow Sangha member needed some deep listening and I was able to provide that with a few words of encouragement. During Dharma talk I shared my state and afterwards this person thanked me for giving him peace and ease even through my own pain. That was really powerful. His statement made a profound imprint on me. The following evening I attended a Dharma talk given by 2 nuns and 2 monks from Deer Park Zen Buddhist Monastery in California and it was so amazing. They addressed this very topic from the Zen Buddhist point of view which is what I am sharing in this blog. That talk made me feel so grounded and powerful in my life. One of the biggest points to me in our practice is that we need not seek from outside when everything we need is within us and recognizing that allows us to connect and inter- be with others and everything in our world like nothing else possibly could. So as we help ourselves become a little more transparent we can help others do the same. It starts with us and it ends with us. We need to open our hearts to ourselves and to what others have to offer. In so doing I believe that we can transform our suffering. It sounds simple and in theory it is but in this reality it is not necessarily so because we are not used to being open and real with ourselves or others. This world tells us to put on an act and don't show "weakness", vulnerabilities, happiness but just be "normal". Normal isn't real or fun. Let that "freak" flag fly. I am not telling you to do stuff that will cause harm or trouble but rather to simply be as you are. Try it on for size. If you need to cry for hours, run around the block a few times or as my friend Linda likes to do dance naked around the cherry tree in her yard. DO IT! Linda's type of taking care might get you in some hot water but I admit I tried it in my backyard after my husband died. It felt good. It was also about 10:30pm.
Give yourself, all of yourself, some real attention!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Cold Forbidden Rice Salad
The name is intriguing...Forbidden Rice...it is not as naughty as its' name implies. In fact it is good for you as some "naughty" things can be. That is another topic entirely.
Every Monday evening I have dinner with some of my friends from Sangha before we go to Sangha. It is a potluck so they, often, are the taste testers of my kitchen experiments. I do use recipes but I change them to make them my own. I am usually successful as a result of my new found love of food and working with chefs for hours each week. Last night I took a shot at a cold Forbidden Rice Salad and it was a hit. The basic recipe comes from The Cancer Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz. I use this book all of the time. Forbidden Rice is purple which makes it fun and nutritious. The purple color means it contains phytochemicals and antioxidants. Normally this would be served warm and with a few added ingredients but today you are getting my recipe. Give it a try. It is simple. That is a requirement in my kitchen. I know that Whole Foods carries Forbidden Rice but I have not seen it in many other grocery stores. Also, you need to soak the rice, preferably overnight as you should with most all grains. Forbidden Rice has a soft, creamy texture when ready.
1 cup Forbidden Rice
2 cups water
3-4 small slices of fresh ginger
2 Star Anise pods
1 fresh lime, juiced
2 tbs. Brown Rice Vinegar
Approx. 1 tbs. freshly grated ginger (to your taste really)
4 Brazil nuts, grated
Raisins to your taste
Sea Salt
Bring the water to a boil and add the sliced ginger, star anise, sea salt and rice. Lower the heat, cover and cook for approx. 30 minutes or until rice is tender. Drain, picking out the star anise and ginger.
Juice the lime into a small bowl adding the rice vinegar and grated ginger. Mix and drizzle over the rice. Add raisins and grate the Brazil nuts over the top. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Enjoy!
Rebecca's recipe calls for adding finely chopped cilantro, mint or basil and 2 tbs. of finely chopped red bell pepper. I think that the mint and bell pepper would be fantastic minus the raisins. Also,finely chopped crisp apples with raisins would be lovely too. I have not tried this, yet.
Part of the joy of cooking is playing with flavor combinations and textures. Buy a beautiful cookbook or raw foods prep. book and play, make those recipes your own.
Every Monday evening I have dinner with some of my friends from Sangha before we go to Sangha. It is a potluck so they, often, are the taste testers of my kitchen experiments. I do use recipes but I change them to make them my own. I am usually successful as a result of my new found love of food and working with chefs for hours each week. Last night I took a shot at a cold Forbidden Rice Salad and it was a hit. The basic recipe comes from The Cancer Fighting Kitchen by Rebecca Katz. I use this book all of the time. Forbidden Rice is purple which makes it fun and nutritious. The purple color means it contains phytochemicals and antioxidants. Normally this would be served warm and with a few added ingredients but today you are getting my recipe. Give it a try. It is simple. That is a requirement in my kitchen. I know that Whole Foods carries Forbidden Rice but I have not seen it in many other grocery stores. Also, you need to soak the rice, preferably overnight as you should with most all grains. Forbidden Rice has a soft, creamy texture when ready.
1 cup Forbidden Rice
2 cups water
3-4 small slices of fresh ginger
2 Star Anise pods
1 fresh lime, juiced
2 tbs. Brown Rice Vinegar
Approx. 1 tbs. freshly grated ginger (to your taste really)
4 Brazil nuts, grated
Raisins to your taste
Sea Salt
Bring the water to a boil and add the sliced ginger, star anise, sea salt and rice. Lower the heat, cover and cook for approx. 30 minutes or until rice is tender. Drain, picking out the star anise and ginger.
Juice the lime into a small bowl adding the rice vinegar and grated ginger. Mix and drizzle over the rice. Add raisins and grate the Brazil nuts over the top. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Enjoy!
Rebecca's recipe calls for adding finely chopped cilantro, mint or basil and 2 tbs. of finely chopped red bell pepper. I think that the mint and bell pepper would be fantastic minus the raisins. Also,finely chopped crisp apples with raisins would be lovely too. I have not tried this, yet.
Part of the joy of cooking is playing with flavor combinations and textures. Buy a beautiful cookbook or raw foods prep. book and play, make those recipes your own.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Joy, pass it on
This week I found myself in several thought provoking, inspiring situations. My Sangha (the Zen Buddhist group with whom I practice) is studying the Brahma-vihara or 4 immeasurable truths. This week we focused on Joy. Our facilitator led us in a practice that helped us realize and appreciate joy within ourselves and our ability to experience it for others. We had chocolate and strawberries and our exercise was to take some and as we eat it really appreciate that we are capable of enjoying these things in all capacities and how we feel eating them. We then ate a piece again while thinking of another person (s) that for any number of reasons are not able to experience these things and to do our best to find the joy and appreciation for them. I found this to be such a simple yet powerful practice. I especially appreciated this practice as a nutritionist because food encompasses so many emotions in peoples' lives. Also because respect for our food, in general, has been lost. There is a booth at the big Farmer's Market that I go to whose name is three words: Love, Joy, Food. It strikes me every week when I see it. I love it. That concept speaks volumes.
So, I invite you to realize the joy in simple, everyday things. Appreciate the fact that you have them or are able to do, see, taste, hear..experience them because it is probably not the case with everyone. When you are eating an amazing meal from wholesome, nutritious foods take the time to experience the joy in it. When you are listening to music that speaks to you in some way take a moment to experience the joy that it brings you and pass it on. Appreciation ignites joy and joy ignites happiness. No matter what our situation there is something that makes us smile and gives us butterfly flutters. Be joyful for that and share that joy. Ignite and Inspire others. We are all connected and we should all be joyful. Imagine that world. I do!
So, I invite you to realize the joy in simple, everyday things. Appreciate the fact that you have them or are able to do, see, taste, hear..experience them because it is probably not the case with everyone. When you are eating an amazing meal from wholesome, nutritious foods take the time to experience the joy in it. When you are listening to music that speaks to you in some way take a moment to experience the joy that it brings you and pass it on. Appreciation ignites joy and joy ignites happiness. No matter what our situation there is something that makes us smile and gives us butterfly flutters. Be joyful for that and share that joy. Ignite and Inspire others. We are all connected and we should all be joyful. Imagine that world. I do!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
My Utopia
Every Saturday morning I visit my own Utopia. The farmer's market at PSU in downtown Portland is my idea of perfection! Today it was not overly crowded which was great. The weather is near perfect! The smells of farm fresh lavender, basil and breakfast from the several prepared or made to order food booths fill the air for blocks. Music is everywhere. Some of the music is sponsored by the market and the rest is people coming down with guitars, violins, banjos, etc. and just performing for us all. Food and music are two of my favorite things so putting them together is a little piece of heaven to me. There is an older man that recites poetry and a guy juggling bowling pins for the kids.
Today I spent $26.50 for unsprayed, local, seasonal, tomatoes (3 beefsteak), 1 bunch of very fragrant basil, 2 ears of sweet corn, 1 small head of cauliflower, 1 pint of strawberries, 1 pint of Rainer cherries, a bunch of beautiful purple dahlias, my breakfast and an iced tea. I also watched a chef's demo titled "Meals that Heal" and was reminded that I make that same meal with a few variations and haven't prepared it since last year sometime. It is now on the menu for this week. She was making Spring Rolls with a hazelnut dipping sauce. I have always made the sauce with almond butter but hazelnuts are local to Oregon so I will give them a go this time.
The farmers are always friendly and eager to tell you about their practices in my experience.
In one trip you can find farm fresh & pastured, eggs of several types, milk, cheese (cow & goat), butter, meats of all kinds, fish, grains, veggies, herbs, fruits, mushrooms, flowers and much more. I just want to take everyone I can there. The appreciation for it all can't be understood any other way other than being on the farm. Tomorrow I am visiting a lavender farm as part of Oregon's Lavender Festival this weekend. I can't wait.
I encourage you to go visit your local farmer's markets. It's good for you, the farmers and the environment. Show yourself and your kids if you have them what a carrot pulled from the ground or a fresh egg really looks like. I love seeing eggs that are green or bluish with a few pieces of hay stuck to them or a dusting of organic dirt on my greens. These things make me smile. Everyday we should find something that makes us smile!!!
Today I spent $26.50 for unsprayed, local, seasonal, tomatoes (3 beefsteak), 1 bunch of very fragrant basil, 2 ears of sweet corn, 1 small head of cauliflower, 1 pint of strawberries, 1 pint of Rainer cherries, a bunch of beautiful purple dahlias, my breakfast and an iced tea. I also watched a chef's demo titled "Meals that Heal" and was reminded that I make that same meal with a few variations and haven't prepared it since last year sometime. It is now on the menu for this week. She was making Spring Rolls with a hazelnut dipping sauce. I have always made the sauce with almond butter but hazelnuts are local to Oregon so I will give them a go this time.
The farmers are always friendly and eager to tell you about their practices in my experience.
In one trip you can find farm fresh & pastured, eggs of several types, milk, cheese (cow & goat), butter, meats of all kinds, fish, grains, veggies, herbs, fruits, mushrooms, flowers and much more. I just want to take everyone I can there. The appreciation for it all can't be understood any other way other than being on the farm. Tomorrow I am visiting a lavender farm as part of Oregon's Lavender Festival this weekend. I can't wait.
I encourage you to go visit your local farmer's markets. It's good for you, the farmers and the environment. Show yourself and your kids if you have them what a carrot pulled from the ground or a fresh egg really looks like. I love seeing eggs that are green or bluish with a few pieces of hay stuck to them or a dusting of organic dirt on my greens. These things make me smile. Everyday we should find something that makes us smile!!!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Marinated Tempeh
Tempeh is one of my favorite things to eat. I used to be afraid of the stuff. It looks funny, it smells a little funny and it is fermented????? I did not know what to do with it. Then I got adventerous and started playing with it. I really like Fakin Bacon tempeh from Light Life and no it tastes nothing like bacon but it has a great smokey flavor that is fantastic for Reubens or in place of bacon on a BLT. YUM! I have adapted a blackened tempeh recipe from Ann Gentry's Real Food Daily cookbook that I LOVE! I have taken it to a potluck and made it for lunch with a friend and it is always a hit. I don't always go for the blackened effect and this recipe does not give you that.
Here is my adapted recipe for marinated tempeh.
I do not actually measure things out so these are rounded measurements...to your taste is best!
I like Surata brand Organic Original Soy Tempeh.
Marinade:
1/3 cup unrefined coconut oil
1/3 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup tamari or shoyu
1/2 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 tbs. paprika
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
fresh tyme to taste
fresh sage to taste (I like a lot of thyme and sage)
less than 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
Tempeh:
Cut a brick of tempeh into strips. The above marinade mixture is good for about 12ounces of tempeh.
Mix these ingredients in a bowl adding the tempeh pieces. Push the pieces down into the marinade so that they are covered. Cover the bowl and refrigerate over night turning the tempeh pieces a few times. Preheat the oven to 350 and either put the tempeh pieces in a baking dish or on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet and bake for 20 or so minutes. Enjoy! Goes well with salads and soups or in a wrap.
If I want this but have not planned for it I throw it all together (marinade & tempeh pieces) in a baking dish and cook it for 20 minutes turning the tempeh once or twice.
Here is my adapted recipe for marinated tempeh.
I do not actually measure things out so these are rounded measurements...to your taste is best!
I like Surata brand Organic Original Soy Tempeh.
Marinade:
1/3 cup unrefined coconut oil
1/3 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup tamari or shoyu
1/2 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 tbs. paprika
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
fresh tyme to taste
fresh sage to taste (I like a lot of thyme and sage)
less than 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
Tempeh:
Cut a brick of tempeh into strips. The above marinade mixture is good for about 12ounces of tempeh.
Mix these ingredients in a bowl adding the tempeh pieces. Push the pieces down into the marinade so that they are covered. Cover the bowl and refrigerate over night turning the tempeh pieces a few times. Preheat the oven to 350 and either put the tempeh pieces in a baking dish or on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet and bake for 20 or so minutes. Enjoy! Goes well with salads and soups or in a wrap.
If I want this but have not planned for it I throw it all together (marinade & tempeh pieces) in a baking dish and cook it for 20 minutes turning the tempeh once or twice.
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