February

Just when I was giving a big sigh of relief that I managed through my first holidays as a widow February rolls into town. This month is a crazy one for me. It is my birthday month, the month that I almost died from a brain abscess, the month my father did die (on my birthday) I am not making that up and it is Valentine's Day. I should clarify my dad had cardiac arrest on my birthday and was placed on life support. Two days later the family chose to remove life support so the date of death is offically not my birthday but without life support he would not have made it those 2 days. My husband & I used to joke around that he got hit doubly hard this month with my birthday and Valentine's Day especially because they are within a day of each other. He always made it special, always. So this year I am in Portland and for the first time in 18 years have no true love to share these special days with. My friend Dana has reminded me a few times that anniversaries are for happy things. I know that she is right. I am trying to put a positive spin on this month. It is the month I was born and survived a near fatal illness. It is the month my daddy became free and it is a month full of fabulous, cherished memories of my husband. So this year because I can go to the ocean on my birthday that is exactly where I plan to go,weather permitting. I am looking forward to it. I will go to the beach and cape that Paul and I went to the first time we visited Portland. We got the gift of whale watching that day and, fingers crossed, I will spot one this year. On Valentine's Day I am having dinner with friends from my Sangha before going to meditation. Again I am so grateful for my spiritual family.
Life is....beautiful when you chose to wear the right glasses! Happy Valentine's day!!