Dealing

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without words,
And never stops at all." Emily Dickinson


This is one of my favorite quotes and ironically or not my niece sent us a card with this quote on it that I received the day after Paul passed away. She did not know that I love that quote.
Anyway I want to tell you about some things that put hope back into my life. It only left me briefly because I Paul & I lived hopeful lives. I don't feel like I ever lost hope completely but losing Paul sure did strip some things down. The realization that it is not a terrible dream, it is the situation and my life goes on is a heavy one. A difficult one like a burden really. But a burden full of possibilities.
Going to meditation not only reminds me that I am indeed present but also allows me the relaxation time I desperately need.
Remembering...what at first brings pain becomes an alli in dealing with grief. Those memory lane trips are some of the best ever now.
Wearing something of Paul's everyday helps me feel close to him.
Listening to his music and appreciating the fact that whenever I want to hear him I just have to pop in a cd and I can always hear him play guitar this way too. Maybe not the songs I want to hear him play for me but like Roberta Flack sang "strumming my pain with his fingers" is what I need.
Spending time with amazing friends even if that means being on the phone, long distance for hours.
Going back to T'ai Chi class at Turning Point and talking with the people who spent lots of time with Paul for 2 1/2 years and who get it because they are going through it, have been through it, whatever, and did it with us. Those bonds are deep and healing.
Not avoiding places we went but maybe going with a good friend now or with the knowledge that if I ask Paul will be there with me.
Not denying my feelings no matter what they are.
Talking about him when I feel like it. Talking to him when I feel like it and not feeling crazy when I hear him talking back.
Not dwelling on the paperwork everyone wants from me or the money issues. Letting them be distractions only.
Looking forward to future plans but with no set "have to's" attached to them now.
Reading a book I have had for years but did not have time to get lost in.

"Because we loved,
there will be tears.
Because we laughed,
there will be memories.
Because they lived,
there will still be joy."

"One day at a time let the love you shared carry you through." These quotes are from a card I received and love.