Sunday, February 28, 2010

My dad ahha moments!

So I got sick this week and it didn't make much sense to me other than I am working 6 days a week right now at work through our busy time and am exhausted. I went to the doctor,our Naturopath, on Thursday and after seeing her feel fantastic. She asked me if I was sad or grieving for any reason because that will lower the immune system and I was. Yes, a year ago my dad died I told her with tears and 3 years ago to the day this week is when I had my near death illness. She said ok how are you dealing with these issues? My dad passing was a shock. A devastating, overwhelming shock. I was strong and tried to be positive but never really dealt with it. It all started on my birthday when he went into cardiac arrest and 2 days later he passed. I was devastated. I was/am a daddy's girl. My birthday was now not a fun time but a bitter reminder on his passing. How do you deal with that and make it not so? I obsessed over that for a long time this year. My undealt with emotions made me sick. After this realization and some homeopathic meds to help me through I feel great and free of that stress. It has had me thinking about my dad a lot. So one thing I realized today was that my dad at some point had the ahha! moments that I am experiencing and that was the reason behind some of the things he did that we never understood or appreciated. He was trying to pass it along in his way not be annoying or embarrassing. My dad never ever met a stranger. It did not matter where we were or why he new someone there or would by the time we left. He spoke to everyone...the man nobody else would talk too who was standing alone and dirty, the guy in line wearing a t-shirt with the high school name of the school he attended, the Cub Scout at church and his family, the parent with a child to tell them they had a "wonderful blessing", the mother embarrassed by her autistic son's singing in church to tell her it was beautiful,endless stories with my CNT at the hospital and so on. He noticed the laughs of the elderly and the physically challenged and made sure we did too. He had a nice word for everyone and was truly hurt and saddened that others didn't seem able to follow this. Now my dad had a turbulent childhood and tried very hard to achieve things for himself and his family to a possible negative point. He loved his dad. I never got to met him because he passed before I was born but I heard many awesome stories. I do not think my dad was personally happy alot as an adult but at some point a shift happened and he had an ahha! awakening. In his 60's he started a company that did home repair for low income people. This was a time consuming and physically demanding job. It was also dangerous. He took it seriously and seemed to get a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction from it. It was his way of sharing himself the only way he knew We, the family, did not support this because we saw the physical ,emotional toll it took and we did not get it.This hurt him a lot. I get it now. I hope he knows that. I share myself by writing and talking. I appreciate my dad's teachings and I understand now what I never did before. Thanks dad!

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