Last week I was talking to my best friend on the phone, she lives in Oregon, and I needed to vent some feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed and she told me that her step mom used to tell her that we are never given more than we can handle and she hated hearing that but she now realizes that it is true. She was a social worker, caretaker for her mother who passed from cancer and one of our dear friends who also passed from canser. She gets it and she understands. She also said that she knows it is true for us because she has witnessed how we have dealt with everything starting with my illness and then canser. "You know you are strong and no matter what it is you can deal with it." She said this to me after I told her about the anxiety of waiting for the latest scan results. This was not the first time she has said those words to me. The night I called her to tell her that my husband had been diagnosed with canser she said those words to me and I have carried them with me to this day. I remember then thinking no I do not know that. It is easy to get lost or caught in the tornadoes as our T'ai Chi instructor calls them of life and forget our strength. So yesterday it was tested big time and we both stood up and we are handling it. I had to replay her words in my head a few times but it finally sank in. Canser has taught us a lot but I think one thing that I know for sure is to be ready for the unexpected because you have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow....hell 2 hours from now. Life is hard...no canser is hard...life is beautiful and full of possibilities. I know this. Like Sally Field said "change is never easy." and like Nelson Mandela said "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." That is one of the challenges of dealing with a serious illness of any kind...conquering the fear.
I spell canser wrong on purpose. It puts the oxygen back in the room.