Monday, December 6, 2010
a new begining
I am settling into my new home city very well. Some days I have to remind myself that I am not on vacation and it doesn't all have to be done or seen right now. It feels so good not to wake up alone in the house that my husband and I shared. Now I wake up to a house full of people, the joy of children's laughter and the neighbors coming over for dinner meaning several cooks in the kitchen. It is woonderful. Living with my best friends is treating me well and I feel safe in saying that it is working out for all of us. I am still awed by their openness and generosity. Actually, no I am not. This is the kind of people they are. We are family...in this situation we did get to choose. Paul and I chose well. We have always known that about Dana and Jordan. The people I have met so far have been very friendly and welcoming. It occurred to me a few weeks ago after a party that the nice people that I just met do not know Paul only me and that made me sad. It brought about the reality that any new people I met will not know the man I was married to and shared my life with for 18 years. He was and is such a huge part of my life which makes the thought of this is painful. I do not really know how to deal with it. A friend of mine who is going through the same life situation told me she just makes sure to talk about her partner to new people she meets. I can definitely do that. In fact, I might talk too much. It is a weird situation to be in but I am not going to dwell on it. Everything will work out. I believe that. Tomorrow marks 5 months since Paul's passing. Unbelievable!! I miss him so much everyday but I know he is taking care of me and that he is proud that I am trying to make the most of the life I have left.