Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Showing up

In Kris Carr's documentary film Crazy Sexy Cancer she speaks with a woman named Oni who has been living with breast cancer for 10 years at the time of filming. I love the things that Oni says and the spirit in which she says them. One of the things she says about herself and I paraphrase is that despite (having cancer) she still showed up. That got me thinking about my husband, Paul because man o' man could he say the same thing. Paul showed up everyday ready for the new day and open to whatever it might bring him. Some days that was going to the skate park to be the "old guy" there or riding his bicycle all around town. It also meant perfect motorcycle riding days around the old downtown airport and riding slow till a plane took off and then doing the Top Gun racing of the plane with his arms in the air (one of my favorites) and me on the back a little scared because who was steering but really happy to be enjoying that moment with him it also meant feeling like crap sometimes and doing nothing. There weren't too many of those days usually just after chemo. Whenever he was playing music, writing a song or recording cancer was the furthest thing from his mind. He recorded and released a new CD on his own during treatment in 2008. The smiles I saw on his face when a song was done or the whole project was finished are smiles I will never forget.
He continues to inspire me every second of the day. Sometimes that has to come through the veil of tears but it always does. I am so extremely proud of him and I vow to carry on and show up despite in his honor.
Everyone has something but it is so important to live our lives and not become a fearful slave to life.

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