A few weeks ago I was concerned that I would not make it through this day,September 22, 2010, the first day of Autumn, Paul's birthday. I actually had a great and peaceful day. There was no negativity at work which is an amazing thing and we were not busy so I was able to relax and reflect on what this day means to me now. No more meal planning for a special occasion or making a birthday card just celebrating and honoring. I had dinner with girlfriends tonight. These ladies mean a lot to me and they make special points to spend time with me especially when I need them to. We have fun and share stories. One cannot deny the specialness of great friends be them new, old or reconnections. It does not really matter. When you have true friends and are in thier company time means nothing. I am grateful for these women in my life especially now.
Next week is our anniversary. So the end of September is marked with special dates. Ironically or not the day before our anniversary marks 9 years this year that my oldest sister passed on from cancer. Today I chose to look at these special dates as gateways to my next chapter. Days to be honored for what they have brought to my existence and to usher me into my new life. If I look at it this way I am happy for them. I welcome them with an open mind and heart.
I can't say the process of grieving is getting easier but I don't fear it any more. I have learned several lessons in the past 3 years and I am calling on that knowledge and strength to pull me through. I am also allowing myself to walk with the Buddha inside me. No more trying to control or plan but rather going with the flow so to speak. Letting life happen. After all I have amazing people who love me watching out for me in this world and the other.
The Harvest moon is beautiful tonight! It shines bright! Seasons change and so do people, life situations, etc. Hopefully when this happens we can flow like the waters and shine like the harvest moon with possibilities.