Today has been an amazing day! Tonight during meditation and the class afterwards I had some awesome realizations. During meditation I realized that I am truly happy and joyful. Happy as in content and joyful as in excited. I have thought of this before but tonight I meditated on it and it brought tears to my eyes because it is so great to feel this way. I did not always and can say it is like being the innocent child again. I also meditated on my intentions for this new year which are to defeat cancer in my husband and find a new career path. I feel it in my core that this year is a turning point year. I focus my qi or life force energy on it. I have no doubt that these things will happen and that makes me joyful and happy. Something else came to my realization that makes me happy and excited. My birthday is next month and I have not known how to feel about it because last year my dad had cardiac arrest on my birthday and 2 days later he passed. I am a daddy's girl big time. So I have had some confusing feelings about my birthday this year until tonight. Earlier today we went to a health food store on the other side of the city to use a gift certificate we received on Christmas. The cashier gave us a flyer of upcoming events and listed on my birthday is a lecture by a woman who has successfully treated herself for stage 2 cervical cancer using food,not chemo,radiation,etc. I know of this woman for a few reasons and just by the fact that the past 2 years and still the focus in my life has been using nutrition to beat cancer for my husband. So what are the chances that on my birthday this year this woman is going to be talking about this topic and how she successfully achieved it! I do not believe in coincidence but rather manifestation. I think this is so either by my dad's influence,he communicates with us often, or because I manifested it as part of my intention to have this be a turning point year.
We listened tonight to ThichNaht Hanh talk about 12 exercises for mindfulness. These are 4 exercises for the mind, 4 for the emotions and 4 for the body. Concentration and the gain of insight was one of the exercises. He says that insight is not a notion and in fact when we gain insight it negates notion. He used the idea of impermanence as an example. I believe that Paul & I have the insight of impermanence because of the life experiences we have had with serious illness. I believe that it is this insight that allowed me to deal with my dad's passing as well as I did. It is pretty cool to realize that you truly have insight into something so fundamentally important. He also discussed that we all posses joy and happiness. It is always there within us and around us. We chose to acknowledge it or not. If we concentrate on it so it will be. Something else he spoke about in regards to impermanence is that if when we feel anger and argue with someone they then are feeling that too. But what if we concentrate on where will that person that I love be in 100 years and where will I be in 100 years and then open our eyes to see him/her we feel happiness because he/she is still here and so am I. I think this is great because we have all had the petty fights and it is such a waste of energy.
This has been one of those days where I feel like I have achieved amazing things. Everyday should be this way...I offer up that it will.