I am so happy that I found my spiritual path and that it is in Zen Buddhism. The Sangha I belong to is such a gift. Tonight I needed my meditation time and the positive energies of the Sangha. I was telling them that since Paul's passing I have felt a strong sense of connection to everything. I am so grateful for my life. I realize that Paul is always connected to me, not just because we were married but because he was alive and I am alive. Life connects us. He is part of me. He is part of this world. He is part of Mother Earth and Father Sky. In honoring, respecting and thanking them I also honor, respect and thank Paul. It is beautiful to realize this.
I am also able to see that I have the choice to be sad and angry or to relese those feelings and replace them. I know it seems impossible to do that but I also know it is possible. It might only last for a few moments but that is ok. Over the weekend negativity and anger crept in and as I asked Paul for guidance and help with it a calm came over me and I was able to replace it with laughter and happiness spending time with my family at lunch Sunday. I wanted to release it and Paul and God helped me do that. It did come back again but it did not last.
My practice teaches me even more to live like I mean it. That is the motto Paul and I had adopted. That is how I intend to live.