Saturday, August 14, 2010

This week has been better than last week. Things are going good. Ask, believe, receive is so coming true this week. That is manifestation. Last night I sat in my backyard in the rain in my swimsuit to get relief from the scorching heat of August. It reminded me that in each drop of rain is a cloud and I was being surrounded by a big beautiful cloud. That image made me feel good and reminded me also that Paul is a part of it all.
This morning I was on my way to work with some time to spare and a thought popped into my head to go to the coffeehouse down the street and get an iced green tea for work. So I did this and as I ordered I noticed an acrylic box with a photo of a young couple and little girl on it. I read the sign and it was asking for donations for the couple because the young husband had been recently diagnosed with cancer, had no health insurance and if I remember was now unemployed. I made a small contribution to the box and asked a few questions to the girl getting my tea. I ended up giving her a list of information to pass along to the couple. As I walked to my car I said to Paul "I guess you wanted me to go in there and see that today huh? I guess I was meant to go get tea this morning." When I looked at that photo I saw a cute, artsy very young looking couple with an adorable child and thought "they never could have dreamed this would happen to them." I know that feeling and so did Paul but it did. It happens everyday to people regardless of age or anything else. I remember how those first few days, weeks and months went. We were scared out of our minds and just wanted to run away. I felt like that 5 weeks ago and some days I still want to run away but I am not scared. I believe in myself. I know what I am capable of accomplishing and I know I have a lot of that still to do. Paul taught me well by example. I still cry everyday. I found some of his old driver's licenses and school id and cut them up all but the little photos and those are in my wallet. It never really goes away the shock and trauma of diagnosis (reality) and death. It becomes a part of who you are and what you have to share with the world. We can choose to dwell in the sadness and negativity or look for the positives and beauty. I am doing my very best to do the later and most days I am successful with a little help from my husband and God. I say it a lot I know but live like you mean it and find happiness and joy in the little things...simple pleasures. We never know what tomorrow holds and we can only have faith in ourselves and our source.

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