Friday, July 16, 2010
I am so happy this morning. I woke with a smile on my face and went to bed with one too. Last night was my husband's memorial service and it was just what we (he & I) wanted it to be. It was a celebration and gathering to honor an amazing, beautiful man. He was there for sure. Funny memories were shared and I spoke twice with out any problems. It, for me, was hard to be sad last night. It was a packed house and we all got to meditate together and listen to beautiful music both Paul's and a Buddhist song with live acoustic guitar. It was just an awesome experience...like it should be. Before the service when I was there setting up his urn wasn't out yet and when it was brought out that was an eye opening wake up call. I knew it would hit me but man did it. But during the service I was calm & happy. I came home that way too and I brought my honey with me. I feel like in many ways he is home and that just feels so right. When your loved ones say they want a celebration at the end of their lives by all means give it to them and yourself. These things do not need to be sad. I like how my oldest niece told me she describes death to her young sons...I paraphrase "when you are born you are crying and everyone else is happy but when you die you are happy and everyone else is crying" I like that explanation but last night made me realize I am happy for my husband he lived his life well and he is free of cancer and able to do anything he dreamed of. He touched so many in so many ways that he/I did not know but he heard about it last night. I know he is taking care of me. I feel it and experience it daily. I pray that these feelings now last and carry me into my journey in life. Because it is now my turn with his guidance. He never let cancer define who he was and so neither will I. He is a survivor and I am his wife. His candle burns very bright!