Moments of complete clarity are coming to me today. They are my husband being with me as I chose to be by myself today. I woke feeling good and I wrote some. Then I decided to run some of my normal errands like going to the grocery store. It is what I do. It was odd to shop for only me but it was fine. i then went around the corner to buy a paper and make sure that the obit was there and right. It was and his happy face was so comforting amongst the others. I listened to his latest recording the whole time with happiness and as I was on my way home a moment of complete clarity hit me. His final day was not pleasant. He was confused, having trouble completing a sentence, and just not making sense alot. The toxicity in his blood from organ failure was traveling to his brain causing this. He understood we were going to the ER. In the car just as I pulled out onto the main street we needed to be on he said he needed to hear the voices again. I assumed he meant the radio needed to be turned on because we never got in the car and drove without it. I turned it on and he paid it no attention even turning it down which he used to yell at me for doing. Then he opened the car door 3 times trying to get out as I was driving. In the hospital he was banging on the doors saying he needed out..he had to go...no
So security had to assist in getting him set down & in a bed. he fought the nurses & doctors saying no and let me go....They had to tie him down. He looked me in the eyes and said "Keri let me go..you have to let me go" and then his heart stopped. I have felt so guilty over this but on the way home I realized the voices were God,the angels, and our loved ones who have passed calling him and he opened the car door to try to go to them. In the hospital he wasn't confused he was trying to go to them and he wasn't telling me to untie him he was telling me it was now time for me to let him go. Paul wants me to know this and I am so glad that I do because I know he got to the voices and I now know for sure our loved ones were there waiting for him.
Today I am not feeling sad but good. I feel him with me today. I feel honored by him and for him.
all I can say is don't miss a moment in life. There are moments of clarity everywhere be open to them.